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The chicken and the egg are lying in bed. The chicken has a lazy smile on his face. The egg is restless, irritable. She says, "Now we know which came first."

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News flash: A truck with a cargo of Viagra was hijacked today. Police are looking for a bunch of hardened criminals.

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What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.

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What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.

—and many more at Prairie Home Companion

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"Last night my husband's Viagra got stuck in his throat."
"What happened to him?"
"Nothing, but in the morning he had a stiff neck."

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My husband suggested, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight, dear?"

"Great idea! You stand by the stove while I sit on the sofa with the remote."

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One day my husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Yale."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," my husband said as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

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